Diane Darling's Blog

What's your event's "friendly factor" ...

It was a spectacular summer night in Boston. I had a good day, just helped some people with networking challenges, and was thinking about what I should do after work.

I typically put events on the calendar with a question mark - then I can decide what appeals to me based on timing, location, who will be there, the topic, and candidly my mood.

I picked a group I had wanted to check out for awhile. It was a forum for women discussing global and local issues and how you can help.

The hotel had a sign when you got off the elevator so I walked that direction. There were numerous options from there. I walked by two women having an intense conversation - you know the boxed in body language that says, "don't interrupt us."

Fortunately I know the hotel function space and found my way out to the deck. There were a number of tables with groups all set. One had a sign so I knew that wasn't what I was looking for. I walked around, didn't see anyone I knew, no one said hello, so I headed back to the front desk to inquire more.

As I walked by the two women still in private conversation, one said to me, "are you looking for _____ group?" She pointed me back to the deck. I said I had just been out there but it seemed like private little groups so I wasn't sure. The two of them continued to explain where the group was.

Hello ... that wasn't the problem!

I went back out with the vapor of energy I had left and thought I'll give it another shot.

I walked around the two tables, no one got up, I finally saw one person I knew, who gave me the obligatory wave (she's one of the hosts), and she went back to her conversation.

Now I was really running on thin vapor. I felt like a complete idiot for attending and was saying a thank you in my head that my guest hadn't been able to join me.

I gave it another shot but walking over to the host. She stayed seated, looked up and commented how there were too few chairs and we would have to rotate who stood and who sat down.

Another person complained that the champagne was flat, cut in front of me to complain to the waiter while another person talked about the summer house rotation.

Mind you the group was advertised as one that is forum for women helping each other.

I ended up excusing myself and networked with my sneakers for a good long walk.

Yikes!

A wonderful and humorous tribute to Susan Boyle

Go Jimmy! What a hoot!

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Honored to receive award from the Center for Women & Enterprise

Wow - It was quite an amazing evening last week. Here's a quick video clip.

Thank you! ~ Diane

p.s. If you have 10 minutes, please get in touch! I'd love to hear from you .... Diane@EffectiveNetworking.com. So far I've heard from ONE person. Is that the only person in Boston I can help and vice versa? :-(

A savvy, sought-after survivor of debt

From the Boston Globe - March 6, 2009

Many of the 65 people gathered in the cafeteria of Oracle's Burlington field office to hear Diane Darling talk about networking are unemployed. For two hours, they listen attentively while Darling, a nationally known authority whose two books have been translated into seven languages, advises them on everything from icebreakers to Facebook to relationships.

What her audience does not know is that Darling could offer equally compelling counsel about another problem common during these troubled times: debt. The Federal Reserve reports that almost 6 percent of American credit card holders are behind on their payments, up from less than 4 percent two years ago, and Darling has hard-learned lessons to share.

Just hours before arriving at this meeting of the Boston Product Management Association, Darling took a reporter to the YWCA's Berkeley Residence in the South End, where for four months in 2006 Darling lived in a 9-by-16-foot room furnished with a twin bed, a small desk, and a three-drawer bureau. The shared bathroom was down the hall. It was the sixth of nine moves Darling has made, mostly to rented rooms in houses, since she gave up her one-bedroom apartment near Symphony Hall in 2003 in order to dig herself out of debt accumulated when her previous business failed.

To read the rest of the article, please click here

Below is a copy of the front page ... probably the closest I'll ever get to Ted Kennedy!

Ask a question - great way to network

One of the best ways to meet a lot of people in a very short amount of time is to ask a question of the speaker. It's especially a good trick for introverts!

While it is obviously the first question that kicks off the Q & A, I'm amazed how many times there is a long and painful silence before the first question gets asked.

I've learned to be prepared. In fact, as I listen to the speaker, I begin to think of what I can ask. Then I'm prepared so when that painful silence starts to build, I can fill it. Typically when the Q & A opens up, I do a silent count to 3 .... then I raise my hand and ask a question. Hopefully it's a good one!

Here I am at an event with the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce. The keynote speaker was Trudy Sullivan, the CEO of Talbots.

I am a HUGE fan of Talbots because they make nice women's suits that actually have pockets! This is a problem men do not face. There is no such thing as a man's suit without pockets! Yet many women's suits are without. Where do you put business cards?

See the article in the Wall Street Journal about how I got busted for non-classic suits.

I even had a moment to speak with Trudy and tell her that I am a fan. She was most gracious. Of course I was head-to-toe Talbots.

During her talk she provided some great advice ... she used the blizzard metaphor to illustrate our current economic climate.

We need to learn how to rely on each other, get to know neighbors, maybe even eat of the pantry, or have leftovers.

Photos by Stephanie Stevens Photography

For young women - life at the office is different than college

This year we've seen history - a woman presidential and vice presidential candidate. For younger women it doesn't seem that odd. For those of us over 40, we remember where we were when Billy Jean King beat Bobby Riggs.

In the Sunday New York Times Hannah Seligson shares her insights transitioning from life in college as a young woman to life in the office.

By the way ... watch an episode of Mad Men and you'll be a glimpse a life ... not all that long ago!

****************

I WAS born in 1982 — about 20 years after the women’s rights movement began. Growing up in what many have called a post-feminist culture, I did not really experience institutional gender bias. “Girl power” was celebrated, and I felt that all doors were open to me.

Hannah Seligson says perfectionism can stop women from taking risks.

When I was in college, the female students excelled academically, sometimes running laps around their male counterparts. Women easily ascended to school leadership positions and prestigious internships. In my graduating class (more than half of which was female) there was a feeling of camaraderie, a sense that we were helping each other succeed.

Read the rest of the article in the New York Times

Diane's close encounter with the Olympics

I've been walking more these days trying to get some exercise. The weather has been really stormy so nice days are few and far between.

I got inspired by Dara Torres .... let's go women in their 40s!

Laughing with Ellen & Gladys

I'm not sure when this episode aired ... Wow - is this woman funny (and I'm not even talking about Ellen) ......

Cars and girls

Today I joined about 25 other women in a class offered by Charles River Saab in Watertown. The service manager, Pierre, patiently answered numerous questions. He had a 3-hour workshop that was very well organized and informative.

At one point he asked how people felt about a women-only program. Apparently a man complained bitterly. It was unclear if he was upset about the women-only or if he wanted to have a program available for him to attend.

This program was very clever for Saab to do. (My Saab is in heaven following a car accident and I now drive a PT Cruiser.) Indeed if anyone doubted the quality of the service or product/design that was quickly put to rest in a few seconds on that scary day.

Sometimes one-sex events make sense. There's a chance to ask questions without feeling intimidated.