Providing tips on people skills, networking, and making the most of professional and personal contacts (especially for shy people!). As well as other random observations and musings . . .
I actually like advertising .... after all, that's why many people watch the Super Bowl even if they don't like football.
But it's especially aggravating when people call and tell you they want to interview you for Forbes, ask you to send photos, want to hear your business story and .... then tell you have to pay for it.
Just tell me upfront, "I want to sell you adversting." Say that at the beginning of the call - not after I call back and schedule what I think is going to be an interview.
I'm not sure why a prestigious publication like Forbes would do this, but please warn the women business owners in your network. Advertising is advertising!
Be wary of any calls you get from EMI Network posing as Forbes.
I'm jazzed to attend an upcoming conference and found it intriguing that attendees have been asked ahead of time to abstain from "aggressive networking."
As someone who writes and teaches networking skills, it got me thinking. Well certainly something must have come up in order for the organizers to feel they needed to explicitly state this.
As Thomas Paine said, "The funny thing about common sense is that it's not that common."
So here are my thoughts on what is aggressive networking and some appropriate solutions:
Premature business card exchange. It unnerves me when someone asks for my card before we've even had a conversation. I politely give it but cautiously what is going to happen next. Yes at a conference there are networking opportunities. However, your first priority should be to learn and to share knowledge. When you have an authentic conversation (more on that next), ask yourself if there is something further you would like to share. Ideally it's more than an attachment or brochure about your company. After that interaction has happened, then it is time to exchange business cards.
Not having authentic conversations. Small talk is appropriate and polite. It often leads into authentic conversations where you find out what you have in common. Don't rush! Networking is NOT sales. Leave that conversation to a later venue.
Monopolizing conversations. Most people are thrilled when they meet someone who interests them. It is tempting to hang out with them. However if it's awkward for the other person to leave the conversation, perhaps you are too intense. Watch your body language. Don't stand square at someone and box them in. Be sure others walking by can join the conversation and your body languages indicates that. After 5-8 minutes, consider moving on and talking with others.
Talking too long about yourself or business. Indeed people you know will ask for an update and people you meet will ask what you do. Have a brief response (2-3 sentences and no more than 60 seconds). Keep your conversations focused on the event. Ask what speakers they have found interesting? And be sure to ask about them.
Disrespecting private time. The restroom is a place to .... rest and well where you find some relief! This is not the time to start a conversation. Especially if they are walking in. The same is true if someone is on the phone. (If you need to make a call during a conference, please leave the room!)
Not following up. I find it aggressive (and candidly unprofessional) if someone says they're going to follow up on our conversation and they don't. Or worse, if they follow up and only talk about themselves. Set aside 90 minutes after the event. Because you've focused on quality interactions, not quantity, you can easily send an email (or even snail mail) each person you met.
What are your thoughts about "aggressive networking" and how to deal with it?
Hard to believe what's happened this past week ..... and in the middle of it all was a VERY adorable 3-year-old who had just had enough. What's great about kids is that they are totally authentic. Every so often I wish I could just cover my ears!
In case you missed the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton, here's a link to Buckingham Palace.
Thoughts on how to gracefully (yes her name is Grace) find some quiet when you need it:
If you're an introvert and just don't like events, limit the number you attend. I'm a VERY friendly person but I get overwhelmed quickly in large crowds and when I don't know people. I am absolutely capable of talking to people I don't know but after awhile, enough is enough. I just want to network with my remote control. So I suggest you avoid taking on too much.
If you have to attend for example, you're the flower girl ..... find a buddy to help you. Maybe even the maid of honor. Be willing to let others know you need them.
Invite someone to join you at the food table or the bar. Often others are there, you can introduce yourself, bring the other person into the conversation.
Exchange business cards and suggest you speak further at a later time. Often when there are fewer distractions, you can be more focused and enjoy the conversation.
If you have a role at the event (e.g. flower girl), it's easier to get out of conversations since you need to be available for photos or meeting others.
If you don't have a role, arrive with some conversation starters. Comment about the event or how you know the person or organization hosting it.
While big events like this don't happen every day, they can zap our energy. There are many other ways to network besides attending them so find your own style!
Cheers ~ Diane
p.s. I happened to live in London as a nanny when Diana and Charles were married. It was amazing to watch the carriages go by. Hard to believe it will be 30 years ago this summer!
Last Thursday I left my phone at gate 32 at Logan Airport in Boston. I realized it as soon as the plane pulled back. It was an interesting few hours on the flight thinking about it.
Part of me was anxious and another part of me thought .... wow, a few days without a phone! I used to do it. Wonder what it would be like again.
I don't have children or ill family so there wasn't any call that would so urgent that I couldn't return it at a later time. I got to the hotel in Chicago, got online and sent emails back to the office.
It was eerily quiet and yet very peaceful. I don't think of myself as that addicted .... I didn't have a "Crackberry." But it was clear how much energy I put into it. Was I managing my technology or was it managing me?
My speaking commitment was the next day, Friday. I'd be flying back to Boston on Saturday. The optimist in me was hoping the phone would be there when I landed. (It wasn't.) I tried to file the insurance claim and have a replacement sent. The form didn't recognize my hotel.
Could I really go without a phone for a few days? As it turns out I could and I did.
My conversations at the conference were fascinating when I mentioned that I lost my phone. Many people looked at me surprised I wasn't having a meltdown. Others commented how nice it would be to be disconnected.
As I watched people walk by on their phones or almost walking into me because they had their heads down I started to wonder ..... when our graves are excavated in millions of years, will we look like we were praying?
Anyway, I am indeed now the owner of a Blackberry. So far it has been better than I expected. I liked the quiet and notice that I am less attached to my phone than I used to be ......
Yesterday I met someone for a cup of coffee. We met a few weeks ago at a networking event, he said he might have some leads for me. Sure, what the heck.
I'm not sure if he mentioned he was job hunting at the time ......
He gave the address, I put it in my GPS and was off to meet him. I must have made a mistake because there wasn't a coffee shop there so I called, he gave me directions, I anxiously drove feeling awkward that I was late.
Turned out the address wasn't 876 it was 130 on the same road. Oh well! I made my apologies, said hello, and went to get a cup of coffee to be courteous to the shop.
I barely sat down when he started telling me what's wrong with so many companies and how they waste time not to mention money. He could do such a better job .... if only he could get one.
Which brought up his target list of companies where he wanted to interview.
Hmmmm - why did I agree to this? Oh yeah, he had leads for me. We'll see if they pan out but here's my two cents .....
If you're looking for a job, say so!
Don't bad mouth companies or industries unless you REALLY know someone well. Even then it's dicey.
If you invite someone for a cup of coffee AND you give them the wrong address, pay for the coffee. Mine was only $2. Never mind my time and I probably won't invest time with this person again!
I stopped in at my Weight Watchers meeting at noon. I decided to stop for a bit since I'll be traveling like a crazy woman over the next month or so and I'd rather spend the money on healthy groceries. I wanted to say goodbye to the amazing team that has championed me over these past six months and fewer pounds.
The meeting is held in a church in the neighborhood which has special meaning since it's where I hosted my mother's memorial service. Sometimes I'll stop in the church and say a prayer. Sometimes it's just too painful. But today I decided to stop in, sit down, and not do my typical rush, rush, rush stuff.
The chapel (where the service was held) was dark and lonely. I walked over to the sanctuary which was light and open. As I sat down I heard someone talking and turned around to find a woman on her cell phone ... IN THE SANCTUARY. Not really the quiet I had in mind.
I opted to walk back over to the chapel to continue some quiet reflection. On my way I was stopped by someone who said, "We don't usually have people roaming in there. What you are doing?"
I was completely shocked. How about, "Welcome, I see you are interested in our church." I was so stunned I tried to explain that it was where I had my mother's memorial service, but I burst into tears and just walked out.
How bizarre that a simple difference in words - welcome vs. what are you doing - can alienate someone so fast. All I can say is that I hope the next visitor is treated with more respect and courtesy. Why not ask the woman on her phone to leave? Or at least talk somewhere people aren't trying to pray.
If you see someone you feel is suspicious (guess my business suit looked too alarming), of course you want to inquire about what they are doing. It's how you approach them that matters.
It was a spectacular summer night in Boston. I had a good day, just helped some people with networking challenges, and was thinking about what I should do after work.
I typically put events on the calendar with a question mark - then I can decide what appeals to me based on timing, location, who will be there, the topic, and candidly my mood.
I picked a group I had wanted to check out for awhile. It was a forum for women discussing global and local issues and how you can help.
The hotel had a sign when you got off the elevator so I walked that direction. There were numerous options from there. I walked by two women having an intense conversation - you know the boxed in body language that says, "don't interrupt us."
Fortunately I know the hotel function space and found my way out to the deck. There were a number of tables with groups all set. One had a sign so I knew that wasn't what I was looking for. I walked around, didn't see anyone I knew, no one said hello, so I headed back to the front desk to inquire more.
As I walked by the two women still in private conversation, one said to me, "are you looking for _____ group?" She pointed me back to the deck. I said I had just been out there but it seemed like private little groups so I wasn't sure. The two of them continued to explain where the group was.
Hello ... that wasn't the problem!
I went back out with the vapor of energy I had left and thought I'll give it another shot.
I walked around the two tables, no one got up, I finally saw one person I knew, who gave me the obligatory wave (she's one of the hosts), and she went back to her conversation.
Now I was really running on thin vapor. I felt like a complete idiot for attending and was saying a thank you in my head that my guest hadn't been able to join me.
I gave it another shot but walking over to the host. She stayed seated, looked up and commented how there were too few chairs and we would have to rotate who stood and who sat down.
Another person complained that the champagne was flat, cut in front of me to complain to the waiter while another person talked about the summer house rotation.
Mind you the group was advertised as one that is forum for women helping each other.
I ended up excusing myself and networked with my sneakers for a good long walk.
